a much-needed break.

Photo by Nil Castellví on Unsplash

My last paper is tomorrow and I have never been so excited for a semester break. I feel like this semester has been hectic; I always find myself forever rushing from one thing to another, be it church, school, work, family, friends, etc.

For once, my school break perfectly overlaps with my work break, and I am looking forward to a week of letting my mind wander. I am looking forward to making art, talking with family, spending time with friends, reading books. I am looking forward to not having deadlines or meeting anybody's expectations. I am finally saying that yes, I need, really really need, a break.

And this break is going to be fun! Sleepovers, gatherings, probably a visit to an art festival, and to top it all off, a vacation away at sea with the family. I am beyond excited.

Yay.

brain fog.

My cognitive controller is currently on a vacation in the clouds.

I can't think straight, and my exam's in two days. Everything I'm studying becomes wisps of knowledge just out of my grasp. I grapple around blindly, attempting to find connections in the midst of it all. Yet, I end up reading 80 slides' worth of a chapter in Tamadun Islam only to realise that I didn't understand a single thing.

This is what happens when you sleep past 2am for four days in a row, I guess. Something about the social media (again; seriously, it's becoming so bad) that keeps you hooked, scrolling for more, wanting to see what the world has to offer. And most times, what the world has to offer is a whole load of cow turd. None of it inspires me to be a better person; the only thing I am better at now is the speed at which I scan the words on a Facebook post.

I am distracted beyond control. I study for a full ten minutes and I find myself on the Twitterverse again. I'm typing concepts and theories I don't understand into the Google search bar and as I wait for the search results (thanks, slow internet), I'm once again reading Harry Potter conspiracy theories on the Explore page on my Instagram. It never ends.

Brain fog; it's real. No motivational music or alpha waves or soothing scents or sunlight can help me. I've gulped mugs of water down in hopes of hydrating myself for rejuvenation, but all I feel now is just the strong urge to pee.

Checking out.

I need a nap.

the bridge

Romans 3:19-28
*
the law was set in place in a world that needed it

the world held accountable in the way God saw fit

'just follow the law; get saved'? not a bit!

it's just made us conscious of sin, aware of the pit

we try and try to be perfect in God's eyes

in all of human history, some never realize

that no matter how hard we shoot for the prize

we fall just short; only redeemed at a price

but, great news, God's righteousness revealed

in faith, our salvation eternally sealed

every spiritual illness, in Jesus be healed

our sins be gone, our shame concealed

where, then, is boasting? you did not save

your own sorry butt from Death's dark cave

but Jesus Christ's own spotless life, He gave

the bridge to eternity, He died to pave

too good to be true

Based off of a devotion plan on the YouVersion Bible app, The Promise of Easter by Our Daily Bread.

*

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! 

In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope 

through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

- 1 Peter 1:3 -

In His great mercy. There is nothing I could've ever done to deserve love from the Creator, the Almighty, the Lord on high; and yet, He had mercy. It's like a king, who has had his own treasure stolen by thieves, deciding to let them go free, unpunished. It's like a principal, who has had all the school rules broken by a delinquent, giving him a second chance. It's like a mother, who has seen her own son curse her and bring disgrace to the family, and yet, she embraces her son when he comes home with a remorseful heart. There is nothing they could've done to warrant forgiveness, and yet, forgiveness was granted. New beginnings, a living hope, just like salvation through Jesus Christ.

and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. 

This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,

- 1 Peter 1:4 -

What's more amazing is that this second chance, this gift, this wonderful act of undeserved mercy... it's forever. There is no end to it. There is no human, no leader, no power, no spiritual force who can separate us from God's love. It's kept in heaven, a place so safe, where nothing can destroy it. It's a treasure that was passed on to us as an inheritance, because we are declared children of the Father in heaven. He died, so that we could receive our inheritance. 

who through faith are shielded by God’s power 

until the coming of the salvation that is ready 

to be revealed in the last time. 

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while 

you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 

- 1 Peter 1:5-6 -

But it doesn't end there! Jesus is alive and well, enjoying Heaven! How exciting it is to anticipate the long-awaited coming of Christ. The only response is gratitude as we come to realise that God's power protects us from things trying to distract us from God's kingdom, as we look forward to the day Jesus comes again. It really puts all our earthly trials in perspective, as we faithfully keep our salvation dear to our hearts, working it all out for the glory of God.

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith

—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—

may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

- 1 Peter 1:7 -

Wow! Pure, sincere, genuine faith is of greater worth than the most valuable of metals, because there is no material possession worthy to glorify our King. What strikes me the most is that God felt that our faith is much more precious to Him than anything we could ever deem treasure! It is so simple, but not exactly easy. In verse 7, it reminds us that the value of gold will still fade even though it has gone through the perils of fire. I can only imagine what kind of trials we have to face for our faith to be so strong that it is considered more worthy than gold itself. Nevertheless, I love how the testing of our faith results in wonderful things, and that staying faithful will not be in vain. Praise, glory, and honour for Jesus! That's the result of our faith! #whoooaaaa

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, 

you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 

for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

- 1 Peter 1:8-9 -

Ah, I just love how the mere belief in Him can produce an inexpressible joy. That's the kind of joy I want to experience, and that's the kind of joy I find myself being in awe at each and every day. And the result of our faith? Salvation. How could you not celebrate and party and dance, knowing that you've just been pardoned of every single thing you've done wrong? How could you not jump with ecstasy, discovering that just by BELIEVING, your guilt has been washed squeaky clean? How could you not sing your lungs out when you experience that inexpressible feeling of being loved by God?

I am humbled by his never-ending grace. This just spurs me on to live for Christ, live like Christ, and live in Christ! 

in Jesus - a poem

when fears creep up to scare me

and anxiety is a must

i stand unshakable, 'cause

in Jesus I can trust

bound by guilt and worry

doubts as deep as the sea

i know there's One who knows it all

in Jesus I am free

at times I break and weep

my heart can sing no song

i relish in the joy of Christ

in Jesus I am strong

and at the end I am assured

though our shells return to dust

our souls are safe in the arms of God

in Jesus I can trust

*

The name of the Lord is a fortified tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.

- Proverbs 18:10 -

hustling culture.

Nine days into the new year, and I'm already swamped with work. If I wrote the previous statement just last week, it should be read in a dead, complaining voice. But as I'm writing it now, excitement fills me.

Just seven days ago I remember my cheeks being damp from the overwhelming expectations that came with this particular semester. Just seven days ago I was on the verge of letting it all go, meeting the most minimal of requirements and craving for a way to quit. And heck, it was only the second day of 2017.

Hustling culture is very real now, in this age of idealistic millennials. Bombarded with messages on facing the grind, on working for your goals, and on visualizing your wanderlust has filled the social media as my peers started to enter university while older friends began to arrive in the workforce. It's all good and inspiring when you're in the get-up-and-go mood, but hustling culture punches you real hard when you're just... not feeling up to it.

It's superficial, I feel. It's all goals and tasks and wins and money and success and dreams. It's so easy to lose sight of what's important, especially as a person who follows Christ. Hustling culture sugarcoats itself in the wonders of working hard for what you want. It presents itself as a solid, foundational purpose on which youths can base their lives on, because it's a win-win situation for everybody. Working hard pleases your boss, gets you a raise, makes your parents proud, and ideally gets you to where you want to be. Friends are envious, siblings beg for your help and seniors praise you for your hustle. It's inspiring and exciting, until you realise that the novelty of achieving a goal satisfies only one person: yourself. Being self-centred is a dangerous (and very likely) problem when hustling.

When you hustle, are you taking time to rest intentionally? When you hustle, are you hustling so that your parents can retire comfortably? When you hustle, did you use your life to appreciate the huge bulk of fees your parents paid for you to study in the UK? When you hustle, did you make sure you are celebrating your friends' successes genuinely? And for my brothers and sisters in Christ, are you hustling with God by your side? Has hustling become more important than the One who saved you?

My first paragraph mentions my excitement. I am excited because having stuff to do is good. Having projects to work on and assignments to complete is good. But above all, I love the fact that it is now more than ever that I feel the genuine concern and love from those around me. It is now more than ever that I'm placing my trust in the One who blessed me with opportunities to study, to serve and to impact society. It is now more than ever that I'm learning to hustle, in a way that pleases my Father.