Dear Demotivated Blogger

Hey you. You there who blogs. The one who writes stuff on a certain website and has enough courage to click 'Publish' even if you're not fully satisfied with what you wrote.

The blogger.

I see you putting effort into your blog posts, and that's great. But sometimes you have to let it go (Queen Elsa reference) and write whatever you want. Write what makes you excited, write how you feel, write in a language nobody can understand. You can also sometimes lay off the good grammar and bombastic vocabulary when you write.

Do you know why? Because you have to learn that sometimes, writing isn't about impressing others. It isn't about showing off how well you phrase a string of words, how great your choice of words is, or even how poetic you make yourself sound. Writing is an attempt to solidify floating thoughts in this thing called the brain, and you should never ever complicate it in a forced manner of fancy language if it doesn't come naturally.

You are inspired by the amazing writers on Thought Catalog. You can't believe authors can fill up five whole books to complete a series. You are amazed by literary geniuses such as J. K. Rowling and C. S. Lewis. Your brain can't comprehend complex poems by Shakespeare. You are ultimately fascinated with the way language can pull at one's heartstrings.

But don't force yourself. Don't try to make your blog post fancy-schmancy just so people could compliment your writing capabilities. Have fun with your writing, and don't give two hoots about what people will think. Don't write to impress.

Write to express.

Shy Extroversion

Is there such a thing? Shy extroversion, I mean? The shy ones are usually the introverts. They don't initiate conversations, and don't speak unless spoken to. They gain energy by being alone. Their energy is drained around large groups of people. Extroverts, on the other hand, love being around people. They're the first ones to say hi, to give a firm handshake, a warm hug. They are energised around people.

But is there such thing as being both?

Because I think I am a shy extrovert.

To be honest, I love being around people. I like meeting friends and strangers alike. I like being in the center of attention. I have the warm feels around people. And I grow demotivated and bored alone.

But after that first loud 'hi' and extra-large smile, I get into awkward mode. All questions casually take a stroll out of my brain, and I say something goofy like, "Nice shoes." Cue silence. This is the usual scenario between me and a person I've never met. I go "Hi! Nice to meet you. I'm Jessica. What's your name?"

After that introduction... *birds cawing*

Shy extrovert, see?

Once in a while, I stay back while seeing other people talk. Watching people is fun too, and I love observing crowds. But I love it even more when someone notices me and comes over to talk. Then I proceed to be the most talkative person ever, feeling more and more pumped. And I would never want this conversation to end. Really, there is no other way to describe this.

Shy extroversion.

Dissatisfied

All my life I was insecure. I'm probably speaking on behalf of most of the people I know. I wasn't pretty enough, my friends weren't cool enough, my life wasn't interesting enough. I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't talented enough. I express my concerns verbally to the people around me and most of the time they say, "Jess, you're too smart for your own good."

I never believed them.

Friendship was a big thing while growing up. I was always craving the attention of certain people, the 'cool' ones. A massive punch of rejection hits me every time I try out a joke and the said 'cool' people do not laugh. I feel unwanted when said people do not say hi as they walk by. Insecurities creep in when I'm not invited to a certain birthday party. I was jealous.

Academically, I had a less than difficult time achieving good results. I wasn't satisfied with those things. People I knew could do so much more. Public speaking, business enterprise, social activism, music and writing were all interesting passions of others, but all I could do was get a good looking report card. That's how I felt throughout my primary and secondary school years. 

Unlike every other prepubescent girl, I took a little while to start being concerned about how I looked. Friends who grew up with me would know I couldn't care less about makeup, nail polish, accessories and clothes. It was only a year or two ago when I started being conscious about my clothing choices and everything else appearance-related. I would compare to the friends who have already started lining their eyes and trimming their brows, picking out dresses and dressing like Tumblr girls. I would watch and wait cluelessly while they shopped, staying in fitting rooms for what seemed like hours and exclaiming over tubes of mascara. I didn't get it, and I felt incredibly lame because it was like I lacked some hormone that gave girls the urge to look good. 

Around the same time, I started taking my music a little more seriously than just attending weekly classes and getting daily prods from my mom to practice. I started serving as a musician in the worship band at church. I took an interest in YouTube cover artists and watched gig performers with much fascination, and feeling inadequate at the same time. Every time I stood behind the keyboard, an odd sense of 'I'm gonna screw up' will fight the little self-confidence I had and actually cause me to mess up. I gave a half-hearted attempt at making covers, and didn't stick to it. Again, I was 'not good enough'.

But you know what? I have come to terms with my 'not good enough'-ness. I have come to realise that in life there is always going to be someone better, someone more qualified, someone more talented. It's how you respond to it that makes your character unique. I've learnt to stop all that envy and insecurity by changing my attitude and having an open mind about things. I learn to learn.

As I grew up, I learnt that friends who actually take the effort to make you feel loved are those who are important, not the ones who make you love them. Appreciate and cherish those who love you, and surround yourself with positivity. Popular people don't need your love. Spend your love on people who are worth it instead. 

Obviously I was foolish enough to be ungrateful for my pretty good grades. But what's more important was that I didn't need to feel lame next to people with fascinating interests. All I needed to do was talk to these people more often, learn from them, expand horizons, and never forget to cultivate your own interests too, which, in my case, was music and writing.

Nice clothes, makeup, accessories are all optional. If you like it, wear it. If you don't, don't wear it. No one's going to hate on you just because you refuse to wear a dress. Trust me, I know. (winks) Use those shopping trips to get to know your girlfriends! Nobody says you actually have to try on clothes when you go shopping... but I do know for sure that it's a good time to have a few laughs with your closest buddies.

Last but not least, I can say that I've been greatly blessed with a family who loves music, talented musician friends, and the opportunities that I got to experience that allowed me to meet other musicians. My musical talent has been given graciously to me by God, and I shouldn't taint that with envy of greater talent. In fact, jealousy is completely gone once I start to be inspired by those who are much more talented than I am, and they have spurred me on to work harder, practice more and enjoy the whole process. Music isn't something you force, and I've learnt that the hard way. 

The lesson to conclude this is this. Don't be jealous. Learn and be inspired.

4 Reasons You Shouldn't Sub-tweet Your Parents

I have been trying hard to avoid sub-tweeting, and it clearly takes some effort. The science behind sub-tweeting isn't complicated. It's speaking negatively in an indirect manner about someone who happened to offend you in the utmost terrible manner, and you couldn't take it so you decided to do it on social media for the whole world to see. Suddenly the Twitter timeline becomes the personal diaries of twelve-year-old girls complaining about their worst enemies. Sub-tweeting is bad, but it's worse if you're doing it to the people who birthed you. (Is 'birthed' the correct term here?)

1. It's rude.
They're your parents, for goodness' sake. Sub-tweeting about the way your mom lectured you isn't the best way to approach the problem. That's like telling the whole world your mom is annoying and doesn't deserve a child like you... Oh, wait. You already did that on Twitter. You wouldn't go up to them to privately say it, so maybe you should think twice about telling everyone BUT your mom.

2. It's unnecessary.
So you've told the world that your dad is the meanest person alive for not being too busy to chauffeur you somewhere. Now what? Is he going to read your tweet and suddenly feel like driving you places? Is he going to read your tweet and apologise? No, because if he read your tweet, he'd go ballistic. He'd be upset when he reads how his child responds to his busy schedule, and he'd be angry with himself for raising such a self-centred child. Besides, it's highly doubtful that your dad owns a Twitter account anyway.

3. It's negative.
Sub-tweeting makes people feel uncomfortable. People take a casual scroll down their timeline and they see hate, anger, frustration. They see mean things being said about your old folks; they see your unappreciative spirit. (Spread the love, people say. Yeah, right.) You say you love your parents. I'm sure loving parents also means honouring them and upholding them in the image in which they want to be seen.

4. It's hurtful.
Let's say your parents did have Twitter accounts and they saw your tweets. Or worse, someone showed them your hateful tweets. What are your parents going to feel? What are your parents going to say? Will they hide it all under a hard mask of invincibility as parents? Will they ask themselves where they went wrong? Worse still, they will hunt you down and give you the lecture of your lifetime. There has been one too many cases of this. If lectures from parents are the last thing you want to hear, avoid getting into trouble at all costs. It seems obvious enough, but ten times harder to put into practice. And I'm pretty sure that resisting the urge to sub-tweet is one of the easiest ways to avoid getting into trouble.

Show some respect; stop sub-tweeting your parents (or anyone, for that matter).

musings: friendship

I've had my fair share of friendship issues, but none of them scarred me for life because we all moved on and forgiveness wiped the bad memories clean. But obviously it takes a little more effort to prevent problems like these from happening again, and here are some things I keep in mind when I feel a friendship is about to fall apart. 

1. It's not all about me.

Humans tend to be self-centered, no matter how humble we try to be. We have beasts in us named Pride, Ego and Selfishness. They make us think the world revolves around us when we're just  a small portion of another person's life. 

That's why it's so easy to feel as if a friend didn't like us anymore. We feel rejected when our WhatsApp message wasn't replied to for a day. We feel unwanted when people forget to invite you somewhere. We think we're outcasts when someone who mattered forgot to wish you happy birthday. 

But if we reevaluate ourselves, how many things have we actually forgotten about our friends? Do you keep track of every single person you meet? Do you remember every friend's birthday? Heck, half the wishes you receive are probably because of a Facebook reminder anyway. Don't think friends revolve around you because friends have lives too. 

2. Don't depend too much on friends. 

Friends can forget. Friends can disappoint. Friends can leave. Friends can upset. Friends are human. If you expect friends to be there for you 24/7, forget it. I'm not saying it's not necessary for you to have friends. Of course it is! Humans are relational beings, and no socializing, no matter how much of a sociopath you think you are, will kill us. 

But there is a boundary between friend and Siri. You can't expect someone as human as you to be in a good mood all the time, to laugh with you all the time and to reply you nicely all the time. Maybe it's time you be the friend people look for and be the person you want to be friends with. If you want to find friends who will perfectly understand you, forget it. If anything, friends should show you the vast differences in humankind. 

3. Don't be too emotionally attached. 

I'm pretty sure by now you will realise how many of your 'friends' have left, whether it's caused by an argument or it was just because you guys aren't in the same school anymore. But whatever it is, don't be emotionally attached. Don't put all your troubles on that poor friend and expect him/her to stay forever, just because you're BFFs now. Yes, you confide, you tell secrets, you solve problems, you do it all together, but always have this in mind: they could leave anytime, and they chose to be with you. So just appreciate, cherish, but don't take for granted, and don't expect too much. 

* * * * *

Now suddenly friends don't seem so desirable anymore, huh? No! Friends are amazing. They cheer you up, they make you laugh, they share your sorrows and BUY YOU FOOD (woohoo!). But as I mentioned earlier, friends are just as human as you are. They can make mistakes too. Forgiveness goes a long way, and remember, if they do leave, it's okay. You probably might have even bigger troubles if they stayed anyway. Better now than delayed. ;)

musings: internet addiction

Internet addiction is real, and I can feel it happening right here, in my hands, in a sleek white device in a bright yellow case. Sometimes it feels almost impossible to put the phone down, to pick up a novel in hard copy, to work on assignments, to study for an upcoming test. It makes me feel extremely guilty, but, as all addictions do, I can't stop.

It wouldn't matter how many times I have swiped the timeline on Twitter to refresh for new tweets, refreshed YouTube for new videos from subscribed channels, refreshed Facebook for latest news, refreshed Instagram for more photos. Sometimes I get so bored of the social networks that I move on to Thought Catalog, Buzzfeed, 9gag, for some quick entertainment. It's as if my life depended on the events in other people's lives. It's as if I couldn't survive without a few comments and likes on updates from friends.

It's as if I can't live without the internet.

Sometimes I get mad at myself. I get mad that I'm so weak, for letting the internet ru(i)n my life. Sometimes I throw my phone onto my bed when I'm studying, to intentionally keep my phone out of sight. But half an hour later, I'm on my bed, opening the Twitter app. It's crazy. Crazy serious, that is. And I'm desperate to get out of it.

Then here comes my fake escape. I make myself feel better by watching educational videos on YouTube, reminding myself with the fact that I'm technically not wasting any time if I'm learning something. I make myself feel better by writing on my blog, reminding myself with the fact that I'm technically not wasting any time if I'm  honing my writing skills. I try hard, but I fail.

I feel like I've written the exact post before, and I'm not sure if it's a deja vu, or if I've been facing this problem for way too long. Technology advancement is great; the internet is the discovery that the world is certainly proud of, but it destroys me. It destroys my mind, destroys my faith, destroys my diligence. It destroys all intention of working toward excellence, but instead, I carelessly go through work so that I could get some relief from the vast cyberspace.

It's bad.

I've been on internet fasts before. The hand-tingling, self-controlling moments in which I struggle to not touch the Enable Wi-Fi button in iPhone settings. The mask I put on to show the world that I'm doing fine without the internet, but inside I'm thinking over and over again about what I could've watched on YouTube. It's indeed scary, once I write my experiences in black and white, but it's true.

It's true.

Of course, it may seem a little dramatic to you when you read the above words. And yes, I do not spazz or freak out when there isn't any internet access. Also, it wouldn't be fair for me to diagnose myself with actual internet addiction. But the problem is, once I start, it's not easy to stop. After a long, busy day out, I reach home, plop on the couch, connect to the internet, notifications start coming in, all else is forgotten. I can't believe I'm admitting all this, but as everyone seems to claim, admitting a problem is the first step to fixing it.

Sometimes when I catch myself staring at a screen for over two hours, the rational side of my brain tells me to stop. To stop completely, to get my eyes some rest, at least. But the part of my being that's being pulled by the gravity of cyberspace refuses to leave the amazing world of the internet. It is then I realize something is terribly wrong with myself, my eyes start to hurt, the words on the screen start to blur, and my head throbs.

It's scary.

But what calms me is the fact that it is fixable. I just need to seek help. Not professional help, necessarily; that would be a step too far. I just need to ask parents, friends, whoever reliable, to be right next to me, distracting me from my distraction. With good, wholesome conversations and healthy activities with loved ones, it is where I find myself completely rid of this sick attachment to the internet. And I hope I do eventually escape this cyber reality.

For good.

The Josephine Poem

J is for the joy and laughter she has brought

For all the funny mannerisms and interesting thoughts

O is for the omnipresence she seems to possess

She'd know my mistakes instantly, no need to confess

S is for the strictness and the rules she's taught me

For bringing me up with guidance and love, most importantly

E is for the excellent food she makes

For all the times she fills my belly with nutritious food intake

P is for the pretty face with that contagious smile

But when those dagger eyes look your way, prepare to run a mile

H is for the hard work she has done in her life

Through all the tough times, she managed to survive

I is for the intelligence she has in her brain

For handling problems rationally and enduring the pain

N is for the natural, no make-up face 

That never seems to look like her age

E is for the effervescent aura she owns

For the light, bubbly voice with the cheerful tone

So, mummy dearest:

Here is the poem from me to you

I enjoyed writing it; hope you enjoy it too

And as usual, mummy dearest, I have to say

Wishing you a most wonderful birthday

I love you! 

- Mei mei. 

The Gap Between Her Thighs

She looked into the mirror to stare at herself

"I'm fat like a pig, short like an elf,"

She said with dismay and stared some more

"I need a facial to close those pores"

She glared at her nose, upturned and round 

She glared at her tummy: "I gained a few pounds" 

She didn't like talking, she hated her voice

To her, it was just unbearable noise

Her thighs mocked her; between them was no space

She hated her hair, she hated her face

Her body was damaging her self-esteem

She really wasn't confident as she might seem

But what she doesn't know is that it doesn't matter

If your waist and your thighs are "so much fatter" 

Because there are things deep within

Under all those flaws and all that sin

A character that can flourish and grow

A personality that makes her eyes glow

"I love your laugh," her best friend says

Her daddy tells her she has a sweet face

Her doctor says that her legs are strong

"As for your health, there's nothing wrong."

Her mother says that she has healthy hair

And as for her eyes: they were an expressive pair

Her teacher praised her for her intelligent brain

"She works hard in school and behaves like a saint

She has a kind heart and smiles all day

She knows where she stands and doesn't easily sway"

If only she knew how much she mattered

Then she wouldn't feel as bruised and battered

If only she could understand that beauty inside

Is worth much more than the gap between her thighs

College Life Thus Far.

Guess it's about time to give my blog a little resuscitation, or at least put it on life support. Seriously though; I've just realised how much I miss writing and blogging. It's been quite a while since any personal posts on updates and feels, and I thought it would be a good way to bring my blog back to life once again. (I mean, after all, somebody paid for my "cachenny.com"; might as well use it, right?)

College life has had its ups and downs, but mostly ups. No regrets enrolling here, that's for sure. The days in college usually go by real quick, and when I happen to miss a day of college, it feels a little wrong. What with regular birthday celebrations for friends, camps, spontaneous hangouts, strange little dress-up days, and even an all-around-KL treasure hunt, I can safely say my time in MCKL has so far been wonderful.

MCKL dress-up week: Dress like a sir

MCKL dress-up week: Inside Out & Mismatched

MCKL 11th Annual Treasure Hunt - with Natsumi
1. Stick to your partner.
2. Stay alert and look out for your partner!
3. Call me maybe ;)

But the greatest highlight, really, was being elected into the Student Council. It was a dream of mine ever since I found out councils that represent the student body existed, and it was surely a dream come true. The transition between the previous Council and the one now was smooth, aided by the preparation period for Midsummerfest 2014, a college-wide event to serve as a welcome party for the July intake students as well as a general fun time for everyone. The first thing we were told to do after being elected was this: "Guys, we're going to dance."

With that being said, we got to work practising the moves for our supposed flashmob, which was a joint performance between the old and the new Council. At the same time, we were invited to stay back with the old Council to help out with MSF decorations. It was the perfect way to get to know one another without any awkwardness, because we were actually given things to do.

Just one part of the decorations that we did :)

Here's us: MCKL SC, Aug 2014 - Mar 2015.

We also had our cohort photoshoot! It was pretty nice seeing everyone come together, 'cause our cohort is actually the biggest in our intake. (Still not as large as other intakes though.)

few of us here being blocked by the paper cranes,
but I hope their faces can be seen in the official photo :P

AS-Level exams are in October, and my last trial paper is tomorrow (Friday, 12 Sept '14). I guess there have been times where I've felt a little overwhelmed, stressed, even, but I would call it a good kind of stress. I've grown, mentally, emotionally, even physically (?) over the past few months that I've been so unforgivably MIA from blogging.

It was crazy surprising when I got chosen as the secretary of the council, after I ran for president and probably failed miserably (LOL). Secreterial and administrative tasks are definitely not my thing, and organising and keeping things nicely arranged are even worse, but I'm willing to take on the challenge, and the past month has been pretty smooth (I think). 

All thanks to the assistant secretary, Sara, for helping me tons and not judging my irresponsible-ness (is there such a word?), and also Marcus and Jinghann, the President & Vice President, for constructive criticism and really supporting all of us. Can foresee an amazing friendship among the twenty-four of us and I hope we all bloom to be even stronger, greater, smarter and more caring people than we were before.

And as for my current girlfriends, a big shoutout to you guys for knowing the crazy Council duties and not isolating me, but for being concerned and understanding when I have to suddenly ditch you guys. It's really been comforting to know I have such caring friends who never leave even when I did. I once raised this issue generally to another friend by saying, "Sometimes I feel bad for ditching them all the time for Council duties." She replied, "If they were your true friends, they would understand."

Guess they are ;) 

LOVE YOU FABULOUS PEOPLE.

A Word of Encouragement

Dear friend:

You are special. 

As cliche as it might seem, there's only one of you in the entire universe. No person is entirely the same as you. Fingerprints, hair color, eye patterns, you name it. 

You are brave. 

If you fly in a plane without questioning the pilot, sit on a chair without testing it first, jump into a pool, try a new cuisine, shower in cold water, or even just get up from bed to face your least favourite people, I think you're pretty brave. 

You are beautiful. 

You were created for a purpose, a reason, and appearance should not be the main focus. Yes, be presentable and neat, but don't be vain. You are beautiful just the way you are. Stay happy. Beauty shines through happiness. 

You are amazing. 

You say thank you when you receive a gift. You say sorry when you knock into someone. You hold the door for the person behind you. You greet your grandparents when you see them. You are considerate, thoughtful, and kind. These may seem like small things; but you seem kinda amazing to me. 

You are loved. 

Your parents love you, no matter how it doesn't seem like it. You have friends who care. People drive you around, buy you food, pay for your fees, wash your clothes, remember your birthday and take care of you when you're ill. You are loved. 

And if you don't feel like what I said is true, let me assure you again:

You are special, brave, beautiful, amazing and loved. 

Now don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

With love, 

Jessica. 

How To Annoy Your Older Brother

1. Outsmart him.

Read up on topics he clearly isn't interested in, study the dictionary, brush up on your grammar; then correct him whenever you feel like it because you're a genius already.

2. Touch his face.
Nothing says "I love you bro" more than a nice little slap on his cheeks. UNLEASH THE ACNE!

3. Repeat everything he says.
"Get me some water."
"Get me some water."
"Do it now."
"Do it now."
"Stop repeating after me."
"Stop repeating after me."
"I'm stupid."
"You're stupid."

4. Agree with him whenever it sounds like an argument is about to begin.
Brothers are male. Brothers have man ego. Brothers like to WIN. So whenever he challenges you to answer something, just go "yeah man, that's right." Watch him fume as he realises that you're not going to fight back.

5. Peer over his shoulder when he games.
And then commentate every single thing he does in the game.

6. Ask to play with his phone.
Then if his phone has a password or code, repeatedly enter wrong numbers and DISABLE THAT PHONE!

7. Hold his hand/hug him.
Or any form of affection, really.

*from personal experience
**might not work all the time
***make sure knives are not present

5 Things Being A Drummer Has Taught Me

I'm not a FANTASTIC drummer, but these are some things I thought about when I recently became more interested in drumming.

1. Don't get too worked up
As energetic and enthusiastic a drummer may look, I've realised that drumming sounds best when the drummer is relaxed. An upcoming drum exam piece has got me frustrated due to its high speed; I've been struggling to keep up with the backing track since the beginning. But I discovered that enjoying the song, feeling the beat and "grooving" to the song (who uses groove anyway?) are all keys to playing a song successfully.Stressing over things and getting all worked up will most likely make the situation worse. Frustration never solves anything.

2. Everyone is important
To be honest, many instruments require only the hands (and the brain, obviously). But for the drums, all four limbs are in use and without the legs, the entire beat will be empty. The bass drum plays an essential part in giving the song a backbone, and the hi-hat foot gives the groove some flavour. Legs don't play a part in most instruments, but a drummer's legs are his (or her) assets. Value the underdogs, the ones who aren't always the center of attention, and understand that every person you meet has a part to play in your life.

3. Practice makes perfect
This is pretty self-explanatory. Be it a music instrument, mathematics, a sport, or even cooking, all talent without practice is futile.

4. You are more influential than you think
A drummer doesn't play chords. He doesn't play any melody or second voice. Worse, he can hardly produce musical notes. The entire band discusses chords and key changes but the drummer sits there, twirling his drumsticks since he can't participate in the discussion. The drums are just a bunch of wooden bottomless buckets with skins stretched over the tops, with some pedals and some metal plates. No strings, no tunes, nothing. But when the band starts playing, you are the rhythm. You are the underlying beat, the one who determines the speed. Once the drummer gradually speeds up in the middle of the song, the whole band unconsciously follows. No matter what you do, you actually impact people more than you think. You may be a shy, silent introvert, but any action of yours can change situations, mindsets or even solve problems. You are more influential than you think.

5. Silence is golden
Drummers aren't just people who know how to play a groove, how to attack at the right places or have perfect timing. They also know when to be quiet. They know that in certain songs, drums aren't needed. Drums will cloud the song, drums will be just "noise" and drums will overshadow the other musicians. Wanting to show off your skills doesn't mean making noise all the time. Sometimes silence shows more wisdom than anything.

5 Disadvantages of Being Tall

1. You can reach stuff. 

Be it a high window to clean or a box of cereal, it is your duty to reach it. You're tall, your teacher isn't, so you are asked to come up to clean the board. Duties; duties everywhere. 

2. You are reminded very often. 

"Wow, you're so tall! I wish I had your height." Yeah, I didn't already know that I'm freakishly gigantic, thanks for telling me that. And no, you don't wish you had my height. 

3. You can't wear high heels. 

Being a girl, I am constantly pressured to wear pretty shoes. Unfortunately, pretty shoes are 90% high-heeled. I am therefore forced to look for the 10% pretty flats, or wear heels and tower over everyone. 

4. You look down on people. 

Literally. 

5. Tall people tend to get more attention. 

You stand out in crowds, you stand out in photos, you stand out literally everywhere and stick out like a sore thumb. In photos with shorter folk, you slouch unconsciously. 

Slouching is a disadvantage all by itself. 

But still, stand tall & proud! 

5 Perks of Being Tall

1. You can reach stuff. 

Be it a box of cereal or a dangling handle on a train, you can easily reach it because you're tall and that's pretty useful. 

2. You get complimented really often. 

"Wow, you're so tall! I wish I had your height." Sound familiar? Tall people get that a lot, and it can be a little esteem-booster even though tallness should not be a confidence factor. BUT, it's like getting complimented on something that you didn't earn consciously; it was just genetic. 

3. You don't need high heels. 

As a girl, my having not to wear heels is such a blessing. Being able to pull off any look without having to add artificial height is fantastic. Plus, not having to suffer for hours at a time on little sticks (a.k.a. Stilettos) is pretty good. 

4. People look up to you. 

Literally. 

5. Tall people tend to get more attention. 

This is pretty self-explanatory. When tall, you stand out in crowds, you stand out in photos, you stand out in almost everything. Besides, tallness is a highly envied characteristic. 

Stand tall and proud! 

7 Peculiar Little Things I'm Thankful For

I am in fact grateful for everything that I've been blessed with: an amazing family, incredible friends, an education, food, water, shelter, and so on. The list can run forever. But the items below are just some of the not-so-ordinary things to be grateful for, and I want to be thankful for these under-thanked things because they make life a lot better than it already is. 

1. Flushable Toilets

Being civilized human beings, we flush our waste products down the lavatory into the carefully planned sewage system about five times a day (and sometimes more, if you have unfortunately been hit by a stroke of diarrhea). It is an automatic, well-trained action to flush the toilet once you're... "Done", unless you're the inconsiderate person I'm always complaining about (I'm kidding). Having the ability to dispose our unwanted products in such a clean manner is definitely something to be thankful for. I mean, who doesn't complain when a poorly-maintained public toilet cannot flush?

2. Door locks

With a simple twist or push of a little knob on the door, we immediately feel safe. This privacy is much needed as we clothe our bare bodies or go to sleep. How insecure we suddenly feel when the lock on a door of a fitting room malfunctions! It is this tiny but important invention that helps us uphold our dignity.

3. Night lights

The little moon-shaped night light is one of my favourite yet under-appreciated objects in my room. Its warm and soft yellow light soothes an anxious mind and lulls the tired eyes to sleep. I used to be afraid of the dark, but I grew out of the fear. My moon has been in my room since I was seven, and something that I've been using for the past nine years clearly must be thanked. 

4. Bolsters

It is time to sleep and you feel lonely. You dearly miss your loved ones and you want to hug something. Little Bolster (commonly known to Chinese Malaysians as "chouchou", translated: "smelly") to the rescue! You hug it fiercely until you feel calmed and you fall asleep peacefully. It's nice to have a little cushiony lump to rest your head or arm on, and it's fantastic for adding the extra height under a pillow. 

5. Belts

Having a slim abdomen but averagely long legs, finding the perfect fit for jeans is almost impossible. If the waistband is perfect, the pants stop above my ankle. If the length just touches the top of my shoes, the waistband is so wide; I can stuff a chicken down my pants. It is because of a powerful, thin piece of leather known as the belt that holds my pants in place and saves me from the humiliation of buttcrack display. 

6. Leftie products

I exclaim with delight when I spot any specially-made left-handed object, be it a college table-chair, or a pair of scissors, or even better, a guitar. It is heartwarming to know that someone out there cares for the lefties and wants us to enjoy life to the fullest without having to worry about "normal" items. (Now, if someone could start selling back-to-front spiral notebooks...)

7. Guitar capo

All guitarists can relate. As an amateur guitarist, the capo is your best friend. You learn six chords and use them for every single song because a guitar is just that versatile. Gone are the days of struggling with bar chords that seem to hate your blistered fingers! Use a capo, and voila! -- songs in every key now available. Who can count the number of times I have relied on the oddly-shaped guitar capo to save my embarrassed face?

* * *

That's it! Hope you enjoyed reading my list of peculiar things that I'm thankful for. These little under-appreciated objects can also be wonderful examples to follow! Each and everyone of us are made for a special purpose, and it is up to us how we want to think of it. Trying to be a belt when you are in fact a guitar capo is absurd! Find your inner capo, and unleash the full potential in yourself. Then you can be appreciated as the useful little capo that you are!

It is these things that remind me to never take anything for granted, whether it is something greatly important like clean water or something as minuscule as a doorknob lock. 

Life is great; these things make it greater. 

forgotten

Are we still buddies? 

Does the friendship still exist?

Growing up, sharing experiences

Memories, secrets, stories

Forgotten

Are we still friends?

I pray for you sometimes

Vague in my thoughts you appear

Though I'm never in yours

Forgotten

Are we still sisters? 

Fought over the smallest things

Said things without fear of being judged

A language no one understood

Forgotten

Are we still buddies?

Friends?

Sisters?

Will we ever be the way we used to be?

college

After months of deciding, I finally enrolled in Methodist College KL's March intake of the A-Levels programme. 

I am a Marchie. 

Orientation was two days long, starting Monday, 24th March. We were asked to wear formal clothes (clothes you'd wear to work), and I actually had to buy a skirt and a couple of button-down shirts because I had none. The ultimate reason is because formal clothing usually require ironing, and my lazy bottom did not fancy doing that. But what choice did I have? 

On the morning of the first day of Orientation, I was heavy-eyed (due to being used to waking up at 11am for the past three months) and extremely nervous. It was still dark out as I put on my (cough) ironed clothes and got ready for... College. 

I'm not sure if every new student feels like this (or if I'm actually just a legitimate nerd), but I was insanely excited for college. Not being able to meet people my age every day and having to work (if you could call what I did "work") was driving me crazy (not to mention bored) and signing up for college was the best decision I have ever made this year. 

Dad drove me to MCKL, where I registered and got all the paperwork done. We Marchies were shown to the auditorium where we were briefed on the general rules of the college and the subjects of the A-Level programme. 

And we were made to sing the MCKL song thrice. Who knew colleges had anthems? (It sounds suspiciously like the Sri Sempurna song, by the way.)

The two days of Orientation passed in a blur of long briefings and awkward breaks. Being new (and a little shy), I made no new friends on the first day, but thank God for Alex who had lunch with me and took away any chance of my looking like a loner. On the second day however, I made friends with Elvin and Lavinia who were both in my group for Treasure Hunt, which was held at the end of Orientation. 

The third to fifth day was ruled by the Student Council of MCKL. They made us wear school uniforms on the third day, capes on the next day and towels (on the head for girls and around the waist for boys) on the following day. A council member drew a Hitler-inspired moustache on my face for not wearing a cape around. No one was wearing a cape around.

Anyway, we got our Pre-U stamps for our courage to allow ourselves to be humiliated (i.e. Wearing capes and towels), so it wasn't all that bad. 

Everyone in the college is basically nice and friendly; I haven't met any snobs so far. I made more friends over the next few days, and spent most of the time with Dhakshyane, whom I call Shyane (pronounced "Shiny"). She's hilarious and really fun to be with and YES SHYANE YOU ARE BEING FEATURED IN MY BLOG. BE HONOURED. 

Being in college makes me feel very young, a little inferior, yet sort of proud that I made it this far. I'm just glad I'm tall enough to pass off as an eighteen-year-old :B

The lecturers are not as scary and distant as I thought they would be. The workload is manageable (so far), although our maths lecturer is slowly killing us with two chapters in just two lessons. Seven exercises for homework in a day, no big deal! (inwardly crying)

Oh! And college has put me in a position I have never been in before: taking public transport. I take the LRT to and from college, and Friday was the first time I have ever taken it alone. Of all days, the train had to get stuck two stations before mine, and, to cut the long story short, I got home an hour later than I was supposed to. 

ADVENTURE! 

So yes, first week of college has been nerve-wracking at first, awkward along the way, and fun in the end. Can't wait for Orientation Camp this coming Friday! 

Macau: Day One (Part 2)

09.03.14 (night)

After getting our much-needed rest, we proceeded to head out to explore the Macau nightlife.

As I've mentioned earlier, my mother had done tons of research on Macau's popular restaurants. The agenda for tonight was to eat at a Portuguese restaurant named A Lorcha. We tried making reservations for dinner, but it was fully packed. The restaurant told us that we could come in at 9pm, which meant we had to wait for a while before we could take a cab to A Lorcha.

walkin' around, enjoying the cold air.
yes, neon lights in the background.

This is the part where it gets a bit desperate. At about 8:30, we hailed a taxi and told him we wanted to go to A Lorcha. Like many taxi drivers in Macau, he told us he didn't know these "English" words, and asked us for the Chinese name of the restaurant or the name of the area around it. We told him a couple of landmarks around the place and showed him a map on the iPad. He agreed to take us there.

Turns out he knew where those landmarks were and took us to a hotel nearby (but not really, as we found out soon enough). He said, "Okay, the restaurant should be around here," and dropped us off. Feeling a little hungry and cold, we walked briskly down the road to find the restaurant, expecting it to be just around the corner.

After what seemed like hours, (okay, maybe just fifteen minutes), we still could not find A Lorcha. Our hands were numb from the cold and we were all shivering in our jackets. The streets and shops having no signboards made everything worse. We walked up and down, turned left and right, but could not locate the restaurant. We finally decided to ask around.

Feeling desperate, we stepped into a nearby restaurant and asked the shopkeeper were A Lorcha was (I know, I know, asking a restaurant owner where another restaurant is isn't exactly the nicest thing to do). Like many of the locals that we've encountered in Macau, he was not very polite and didn't seem very willing to help. After many attempts of trying to translate the Portuguese names into a Cantonese phrase, we finally got directions to the place (the locals here have a seriously low command of English, for some reason).

The restaurant, we discovered, was nearby, if you were driving. Walking there would be quite a distance, let alone it being winter. We trudged on, determined to find the famous Portuguese restaurant. After goodness-knows-how-long of walking on dark, empty sidewalks, the A Lorcha sign was spotted.

PRAISE THE LORD, our stomachs said.

The interior was an imitation of a ship-like room:

quite cute, isn't it?

The head waiter (or maybe he was the boss) introduced some best-selling dishes to us:

the buns came with the following dish

these clams are really popular

mixed seafood rice with portuguese sauce
(includes prawns and oysters)

chicken in portuguese sauce

Review: This restaurant deserves all its high ratings! Obviously, the warmth of the food makes everything taste better, but I've never tasted such delicious Portuguese sauce. It's authentic and feels very homemade, with a nice creamy texture and a taste that could make you quite addicted to it. The clams' sauce is for the bread, and the combination works perfectly. The amount of seafood they give is ridiculously much, especially the four to five large oysters that they serve. I'm usually a picky eater, but there was no picking for me in this restaurant! Each and every dish we'd ordered came in a large portion, but we polished the platters clean. It was just that yummy.

Looks like all that walking was worth it! 

Getting some warm food (and some really delicious food at that) down our bodies had re-energized us, and we left the restaurant feeling satisfied. But to our dismay, we realized we were a little lost as to how to get back to the hotel. We did not know how the public transport worked here, and not a single taxi seemed to stop for us. We stood there shuddering in the cold, with the biting wind hitting our faces.

We finally decided to take a leap of faith and study the bus timetables and lines. We hopped onto a bus that was heading toward Lisboa, a landmark hotel/casino near our hotel. The warmth in the bus was welcoming. I've never felt so comfortable in a bus before. It was also one of the first few times I've taken public transport, and that's inclusive of the times I took public transport in Malaysia.

The bus headed to where we expected, and we reached the Lisboa bus stand safe and sound.

Casino Lisboa in full neon at night.

My dad thought it'd be cool to take this photo since we all had our hoodies up in the rain.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

And that's it! We quickly made our way back to our hotel, where we took our beautiful warm showers and crashed into bed.

Oh! And one thing really amazing about Macau; even where the busiest roads are, the cars stop for anyone who wants to cross the road using the zebra-crossing! Now that's something Malaysians should learn! I've never felt this safe crossing roads before!

Macau: Day One (Part 1)

09.03.14 (day)

2:30 am, and we were all already wide awake. Our flight was at 6:30am.

An hour-long taxi ride later, we arrived at the Low-Cost Carrier Terminal where we checked in our luggage and got our boarding passes. After breakfast at McDonald's (which seems to be our typical before-flight place to eat), we headed to the departure hall.

Now everyone can fly.

Boarded the small-ish AirAsia plane when it was still dark. Managed to grab a couple of hours of sleep even though I'm sure my leaky nose was annoying all the passengers on board. I woke up to this beautiful sight (I got a window seat hence):

yeah. Clouds, clouds, and more clouds. Pretty, isn't it?

At about ten, we landed safely in Macau International Airport. After the usual procedures, we took a cab to our hotel.

This place is not too bad, I must say. You've got to admit: they knew what they were doing when they
installed this amazing, speedy internet! *winks*

After checking in, we left the hotel immediately to check out the towns of Macau. Come to think of it... I'm not even sure what this place is called. *hides face*

But, to satisfy our growling tummies which had long digested our Sausage Egg McMuffins, we made our first stop at:

Mum had done her research and this restaurant seemed to be popular among food bloggers.

 Oh, and one thing! Macau still has many traces of its Portuguese influence from history. Its signboards and road signs have Portuguese words on them. How cute! Who knows what "Loja Sopa Da Fita" means?

a quick snapshot with my mother before we ordered our food

Soup noodles with prawn dumplings
(the amazing thing about these dumplings is that each one has at least two prawns inside!
That is way more than the pathetic half-prawn we find in KL dumplings)

Noodles with beef (I'd rate this the best out of the dishes I've tried in this shop)

Have no idea what this is, but apparently it is popular.
I find it a tad bit dry, though.

"Shui gao", which actually also means dumplings.
These were not too bad as well.

I don't know what these are called!
But they're sort of like fishballs. Quite yummy.

All in all the restaurant served quite good food, but it can be a little pricey. Generally, though, the prices of food in Macau are all slightly more expensive than the food you can find in Kuala Lumpur. Now I know that I should appreciate the cheap food in my homeland instead of complaining that the nasi lemak man has raised 10 cents a packet.

Once done with lunch, we did a little sightseeing. The quaint streets and alleys were kind of cute to me, especially since every sign board has little Portuguese words on them.

"Largo Da Barra"? "Ruinas De S. Paulo"? "Largo de Santo Agostinho"?
How interesting!

brother and I lepak-ing in the streets of Macau

*By the way, if you look again, my brother and I are actually wearing slippers, and he's in shorts. We got quite a number of looks since the temperature here is about 14 degrees Celsius. Yeah, not really a good time to wear slippers, but how were we supposed to know?

Next stop was Senado Square. It's basically a huge area with loads of branded shops and your typical tourist what-nots.

Senado Square

a typical tourist-y photo at Senado Square

Next: a cathedral known as St. Domingo's Church;

grand.

just one of the statues they have in there

 And get this: they have a confessional too! I've never actually seen one in real life before.

Outside, we passed by many food stalls, most of them selling food like this:

steamed then served in curry

 One of the many attractions of the place is the Ruins of St Paul's.

basically, all that's left is the front wall. It's quite beautiful, really.

another tourist-y picture!

Of course we had to try to include everyone in the family in photos, so we tried to take a selfie...

close enough?

In the midst of our many attempts, a kind stranger came up to ask us if we wanted her to help us take a family photo. Yes, please, thank you! 

success!

Oh, and one more thing: Macau is famous for a certain bakery called Koi Kei Bakery. It was made even more popular by a Hong Kong TVB Drama, and now they have opened branches practically on every street! Turn a corner and you'll most likely see a Koi Kei branch after having seen one a minute ago.

their pastries and sweets are delicious.
fun part was going in and trying samples non-stop. no one chases you out.

Another thing Macau is famous for is their pork burger by Tai Lei Loi Kei. They have them in KL as well, but the original one's where it's at! 

we ordered two pork burgers and one bowl of curry fishballs

it doesn't look too appetizing,
but take just one bite and you'll fall in love.
you'll overlook all its flaws and learn that true beauty comes from the inside.

these were pretty yummy too!

sibling love awww

Last stop: (I don't read Chinese)

they're kind of like crunchy pancakes.
quite scrumptious!

 

After this we made our way back to the hotel to get a rest. We were all exhausted from the early morning four-hour flight and walking around in the cold. 

*  *  *

And that's the end of our daytime expedition! 

The night time adventure needs a bit of explaining and I'm too tired to do so now, because of all the walking I've done today. Besides, Macau is much much colder than I expected, and my family is clearly unprepared for this kind of weather. We're only wearing hoodies in a temperature that requires parkas!

But that's okay. For the first time, I actually can't wait to feel heat.

MALAYSIA I LOVE YOUUUU.

P.S. Stay tuned for Part 2!