Happiness, happiness, everywhere.

The pursuit of happiness is a common goal
Of many people, male or female, young or old
But happiness is everywhere, I was once told
From memories and experiences more precious than gold

Happiness is...

1. Hearing your favorite song once the radio is on
2. Seeing the sunrise at the crack of dawn
3. Smelling freshly baked cookies made by mum
4. Eating long-lasting apple-flavored gum
5. It's landing a shot in the waste paper bin
6. Rolling down car windows and feeling the wind
7. Finishing an essay of five thousand words
8. Waking up to the sound of chirping birds
9. Watching a novel come to life on screen
10. Not being afraid to say what you mean
11. Being able to laugh with your friends
12. Successfully inserting a contact lens
13. Peeing after holding in the entire day
14. Being able to use a GPS after losing your way
15. Wearing someone's hoodie when it's insanely cold
16. Buying the last ticket before they're all sold
17. Seeing rain pour when it's hazy
18. Solving the riddle that drove you crazy
19. Popping the bubble wrap that came in the box
20. Finding clean, matching socks
21. Getting a birthday card from a loved one
22. Wearing pyjamas when the day is done
23. When your parents are laughing and in a good mood
24. The delicious smell of IKEA wood

I could go on and on and on
About the things of which we are very fond
Happiness, happiness, everywhere
Look no further! It's just right there.

A monster named Jealousy.

This wretched piece of emotion

Nothing but the meanest beast

It kills the mood and stabs the heart

Devours souls as if in a feast

It starts like a niggling in the mind

Forces its way down the throat

Pokes and prods the innards of the body

The heart sinks like a leaking boat

The mind drifts to places unknown

Unable to concentrate on things that matter

The one thought that irritates the soul

Displayed in full glory on a silver platter

It makes you crave for things unnecessary

Floods the mind with irrational fear

It clouds and blurs any solid thought

Nothing is at all clear

The worst feature about this feeling

Is that it does not leave

It makes a home in your inner being

Stealing your esteem, a silent thief

This wretched piece of emotion

Please, please, make it flee

Nothing but the meanest beast

A monster named Jealousy.

enjoy you.

You ask if you can go out Friday night

She says no but you put up a fight

Desperately trying to convince your mother

"Don't worry, there won't be another"

A week down the road and you're asking again

You promise that you'll be back by ten

With a heavy heart she lets you go

Her mouth says yes but her heart says no

Saturday night you are out with your friends

You and your ever so countless events

He calls you to ask when you'll be back

He anxiously looks at the sky turning black

Your father is worried and a little upset

It's already eleven and you're not home yet

He sits up till twelve to wait for your return

Unable to sleep, wrecked with concern

It's Sunday afternoon and you're free today

Mom and Dad try not to show their dismay

When you inform them that you have a lunch date

"Till three p.m," you say, but you come home at eight

You receive texts and calls on your phone

You call them: "Mom, Dad, leave me alone."

You regret it instantly when the words are said

The words sting; your parents see red

You dare not speak on Monday morning

Last night you came home, received a warning

"No going out till next month," they said

And without any discussion, they sent you to bed

You fumed, you sulked, you simmered with rage

How dare your parents keep you locked in this cage?

You screamed, you cursed, you yelled inside

You felt like your freedom had just been denied

And while you were drowning in your blues

Your parents sat outside, discussing you

You're never at home, you're always out

They may be strict, but they love you, no doubt

Your parents reminisce about moments together

But they try to accept that it won't last forever

Because, to be honest, all they want is to

Spend time as a family and enjoy you.

Shedding Tears

“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. 

But you have to stop sooner or later, 

and then you still have to decide what to do.” 

― C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

Source: Google Images

I grew up as many others did, shaped and molded by the values instilled by parents. As children, my brother and I were quick to learn that crying gets us nowhere. When children throw tantrums in public, they cry angrily and cause a commotion, hoping their parents cave in due to embarrassment. When children want to give up on a challenge, they cry out of self-pity, to get their parents to sympathize. 

Our parents were strict in teaching us that crying was no way to get what you wanted. When you cry, the only person you're embarrassing is yourself; because all my parents did when we ever shed a tear for purposes of persuasion was ignore us completely. That, obviously, made us feel extremely silly and immature, and it was a great method of shutting us up. We never used our tears to get our own ways after that.

Clearly, this is something many parents envied. "Wah, your children seldom cry ah?" other parents ask. My parents will then proceed to explain that crying is only attended to if we got physically hurt, or emotionally disturbed. Many a time our genuine tears have welcome kind words and reassuring hugs from our parents. Somehow, they just know if our tears were for real. The fact that we never cried just to get our way made our parents' lives way easier, and also pushed us to handle our emotions in a steady way, never crying just for show. I believe this made my brother and I slightly stoic, as some of our friends may testify, helping us gain the terms 'poker face' or 'heart of stone' as our personality descriptions. 

This never affected me; in fact, I looked at my ability to hold my tears well with admiration. I prided myself in being able to not cry at sad movies with dying dogs, I prided myself in being able to not cry at friends' farewells, and I occasionally found myself mocking those who shed their tears so easily. "Pfft, these people. Weaklings."

But growing up through the hormonal, teenage years and finding myself being buried under responsibilities in various organisations (like church, college, work, etc.), I recently found tears on my cheeks a little more regularly than I would like. I broke down under huge workloads, I broke down under broken friendships, I broke down under desperate situations. I broke down, and I totally hated myself for that. In my mind, I saw myself weakening, succumbing to tear-shedding and self-pity. Things became worse when I even cried once or twice in front of others. 

Because of how I was raised, in a way, I always saw crying as a negative thing. Crying is bad, crying gets you nowhere, crying only shows self-pity. Crying makes you a weak person and crying means you've given up. Of course, my parents never ever intended to instill these kinds of values in me, but having twisted their pure teachings into my own, society-pressured ideas, I viewed crying as the ultimate loser move. I disliked the fact that I cry so easily now.

But here's me, trying to tell you that crying really does get you nowhere, in a practical sense. I mean, if you broke a bowl and spilt soup all over your kitchen floor, crying isn't really going to clean up that mess, is it? If anything, it'll make your mess worse! However, as I am slowly journeying in self-discovery and handling my emotions, I have good news for myself. 

I now realise that from experience, shedding tears have always meant something good was going to happen. It meant that now I am no longer bound by pressure, no longer bound by stress, but I am admitting that I have way too much on my plate, and letting it all go at once. Trust me, after a good cry, I am nowhere as irritable as before. It's the accumulated stress that always causes me to be uptight and moody, and I usually find a flip in my emotional state after having some tears spill over. And it is always this crying that helps me realise I am not as great as I think I am, and helps me map out a solution to my problems. 

Most importantly, it is this crying that brings out the vulnerable part of me, totally knocking me down to my knees and literally crying out to the One above who continues to shower me with His love and grace, mending my wounds again and again. If that's not good, then what could it be? 

Because, honestly, tears were created by God, and they were put there for a reason. Tears are a part of life after all.

"A time to weep and a time to laugh,

 a time to mourn and a time to dance” 

 - Ecclesiastes 3:4 -