24.10.14

musings: friendship


I've had my fair share of friendship issues, but none of them scarred me for life because we all moved on and forgiveness wiped the bad memories clean. But obviously it takes a little more effort to prevent problems like these from happening again, and here are some things I keep in mind when I feel a friendship is about to fall apart. 

1. It's not all about me.
Humans tend to be self-centered, no matter how humble we try to be. We have beasts in us named Pride, Ego and Selfishness. They make us think the world revolves around us when we're just  a small portion of another person's life. 

That's why it's so easy to feel as if a friend didn't like us anymore. We feel rejected when our WhatsApp message wasn't replied to for a day. We feel unwanted when people forget to invite you somewhere. We think we're outcasts when someone who mattered forgot to wish you happy birthday. 

But if we reevaluate ourselves, how many things have we actually forgotten about our friends? Do you keep track of every single person you meet? Do you remember every friend's birthday? Heck, half the wishes you receive are probably because of a Facebook reminder anyway. Don't think friends revolve around you because friends have lives too. 

2. Don't depend too much on friends. 
Friends can forget. Friends can disappoint. Friends can leave. Friends can upset. Friends are human. If you expect friends to be there for you 24/7, forget it. I'm not saying it's not necessary for you to have friends. Of course it is! Humans are relational beings, and no socializing, no matter how much of a sociopath you think you are, will kill us. 

But there is a boundary between friend and Siri. You can't expect someone as human as you to be in a good mood all the time, to laugh with you all the time and to reply you nicely all the time. Maybe it's time you be the friend people look for and be the person you want to be friends with. If you want to find friends who will perfectly understand you, forget it. If anything, friends should show you the vast differences in humankind. 

3. Don't be too emotionally attached. 
I'm pretty sure by now you will realise how many of your 'friends' have left, whether it's caused by an argument or it was just because you guys aren't in the same school anymore. But whatever it is, don't be emotionally attached. Don't put all your troubles on that poor friend and expect him/her to stay forever, just because you're BFFs now. Yes, you confide, you tell secrets, you solve problems, you do it all together, but always have this in mind: they could leave anytime, and they chose to be with you. So just appreciate, cherish, but don't take for granted, and don't expect too much. 

* * * * *
Now suddenly friends don't seem so desirable anymore, huh? No! Friends are amazing. They cheer you up, they make you laugh, they share your sorrows and BUY YOU FOOD (woohoo!). But as I mentioned earlier, friends are just as human as you are. They can make mistakes too. Forgiveness goes a long way, and remember, if they do leave, it's okay. You probably might have even bigger troubles if they stayed anyway. Better now than delayed. ;)


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