a much-needed break.

Photo by Nil Castellví on Unsplash

My last paper is tomorrow and I have never been so excited for a semester break. I feel like this semester has been hectic; I always find myself forever rushing from one thing to another, be it church, school, work, family, friends, etc.

For once, my school break perfectly overlaps with my work break, and I am looking forward to a week of letting my mind wander. I am looking forward to making art, talking with family, spending time with friends, reading books. I am looking forward to not having deadlines or meeting anybody's expectations. I am finally saying that yes, I need, really really need, a break.

And this break is going to be fun! Sleepovers, gatherings, probably a visit to an art festival, and to top it all off, a vacation away at sea with the family. I am beyond excited.

Yay.

brain fog.

My cognitive controller is currently on a vacation in the clouds.

I can't think straight, and my exam's in two days. Everything I'm studying becomes wisps of knowledge just out of my grasp. I grapple around blindly, attempting to find connections in the midst of it all. Yet, I end up reading 80 slides' worth of a chapter in Tamadun Islam only to realise that I didn't understand a single thing.

This is what happens when you sleep past 2am for four days in a row, I guess. Something about the social media (again; seriously, it's becoming so bad) that keeps you hooked, scrolling for more, wanting to see what the world has to offer. And most times, what the world has to offer is a whole load of cow turd. None of it inspires me to be a better person; the only thing I am better at now is the speed at which I scan the words on a Facebook post.

I am distracted beyond control. I study for a full ten minutes and I find myself on the Twitterverse again. I'm typing concepts and theories I don't understand into the Google search bar and as I wait for the search results (thanks, slow internet), I'm once again reading Harry Potter conspiracy theories on the Explore page on my Instagram. It never ends.

Brain fog; it's real. No motivational music or alpha waves or soothing scents or sunlight can help me. I've gulped mugs of water down in hopes of hydrating myself for rejuvenation, but all I feel now is just the strong urge to pee.

Checking out.

I need a nap.